Recently I was in a webinar that aimed to tackle the issues surrounding technology and its effects on students. Some members of the forum started openly criticising boys for their poor behaviour. Whilst their criticisms were not directed specifically at our boys, I was offended at their general statements. We can be too quick to criticise boys and we forget that their frontal lobes are still developing. We also forget that their brains are “wired” differently from girls and that they don’t see the same levels of reason that we do (my 9-year-old son is a perfect example!). Sadly, our frustrations with our boys’ misgivings can result in us overlooking all of the wonderful things that our boys do!

Working with our young men can be so rewarding and I am reminded of this each day. For the vast majority of the time our boys turn up to school with a smile on their face. They acknowledge adults and teachers as they walk by and look you in the eye when they shake your hand. Our boys wear their uniforms with pride and are respectful to their teachers. Their enthusiasm can be seen on the sporting fields and during their service activities.

Unfortunately, from time to time, boys will make a mistake. As adults, we need to accept this reality. If a boy makes a mistake, we need to help him to learn three things. Firstly, it is acceptable to make mistakes. We all do, and it is an integral part of learning and becoming a well-adjusted young man. Secondly, boys need to learn to be honest, own their mistake and accept the consequences. Thirdly, and sometimes most importantly, our sons need to know that we will forgive them when they make a mistake. By not forgiving our boys’ mistakes, we are not modelling for them the skills of forgiveness and tolerance. We need to view our boys’ mistakes as a learning process and remember to acknowledge all of the good things that they do.

As parents and teachers we walk a fine line with our rules, rewards and consequences. As psychologist and author, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg acknowledges in his book “Surviving Adolescents”, we need to negotiate with our teenagers the rules in our homes, boarding houses and schools. If the boys do not feel that they have some ownership in shaping them, they can become rebellious. However, the flip side is that if we do not create the structures that are important for wellbeing and flourishing, we end up with entitled teens who never see the value in setting limits. Carr-Gregg calls these entitled boys “Prince Boofheads”.

The most compelling consequence that we can impart on our boys is restricting something that they enjoy. We all know that a consequence needs to “hurt” a little, however, too often we get frustrated when our boys do not learn from the consequence and re-offend. When this occurs, we need to reshape our thinking to establishing a rewards system for desirable behaviour. For example, if your son is allowed to use technology in the morning, he should be rewarded for being ready before the parent who is driving him. Once his bag is packed and he has everything he needs for the day he might be allowed some time on his Xbox. This contrasts with allowing him access to his Xbox when he wakes up and having to remove the privilege of using his Xbox in the morning when he is not ready on time. In both cases he can access his Xbox, we just need to consider how we can offer his access as a reward for desirable behaviour as opposed to a punishment for his undesirable behaviour.

As parents and teachers, we don’t always get it right in finding the balance between rules, rewards and consequences. However, the more consistent we are, the more our boys will trust us and in turn, when our boys do the wrong thing, we can use our trusting relationship as the basis on which we establish and promote positive future behaviours.

Mr Mark Oliphant
Head of Senior School

Mr Mark Oliphant

Latest Blog

People
/
Friday, 19 Jan 2024

Introducing Gabe Robbie, the new Head of Curriculum

I am excited to be joining the staff here at Toowoomba Grammar School in the role of Head of Curriculum. I grew up in a small coastal town in NSW and attended the University of Sydney to complete my undergraduate degree. Please don’t hold my NSW origin against me (Go Blues!). Teaching, and education, has always been a passion of mine and ever since I was in high school, the plan was to be a teacher. I graduated from the University of Sydney with a double degree in Education and Arts, majoring…

Read More
Old Boys
/
Thursday, 11 Jan 2024

What Old Boys Have Contributed to TGS Over Time

The Old Boys’ Association has played an integral role in the history and tradition of Toowoomba Grammar School. It was formed on December 29, 1888, when 25 Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys met at Long’s Imperial Hotel to create a new society. The Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys’ Association rules were drawn up, and office-bearers elected. The inaugural president was Mr Joesph Vincent Herbert Esq. (TGS 1877-80) From there, the TGSOBA has grown significantly, ensuring that the Blue and Gold…

Read More
Sports & Activities
/
Thursday, 11 Jan 2024

TGS Strength and Conditioning Program

Toowoomba Grammar School has a unique approach to athlete development that focuses on providing students with the skills, tools and mindset required to succeed in sports and life. At TGS, the long-term athlete development (LTAD) philosophy is ingrained in every aspect of the School's approach to sport and fitness. The LTAD philosophy emphasises the importance of age-appropriate training and skill development over a long period of time. This approach recognises that athlete development is a…

Read More
The Arts
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

We Knew Them Before They Were Stars

Our boys at Toowoomba Grammar School are fortunate that Performing Arts is as popular as sport and academics, thanks to our culture of respect and inclusivity. Boys are supported and encouraged to immerse themselves in music, drama and art and are not afraid to chase their dreams in these fields. The success of our performing arts students dates back decades, with our Old Boys performing all around the world in theatre, music, film and photography and are accomplished and well recognised in…

Read More
Boarding
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

Country Roads Take Me Home

Toowoomba Grammar School boarding provides the ideal living environment for our boys while they develop the values that will define their character. Throughout the course of this year, I have been privileged to visit many of the towns and properties that our TGS boarders call home. When walking around those towns wearing a shirt with a TGS crest, it doesn’t take long to meet an Old Boy or to be asked about one of the boarders currently at the School. Our boarding staff pride themselves on…

Read More
Boarding
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

TGS Corfe House - A Home for Young Boarders

In Toowoomba Grammar School’s Boarding Program, Years 5 to 7 students reside at Corfe House – a nurturing environment providing close pastoral support and guidance to the School’s youngest boarders. The skills, relationships and perspectives that boys develop here set them up for the rest of their boarding and school journey. Toowoomba Grammar School understands the challenges for young students transitioning into boarding. Leading the way in creating a ‘home away from home’ is the Corfe House…

Read More
Junior School
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

TGS Mates Program - Character Building Education

Current research into character education has shown that educators should not be focusing solely on preparing students for their Year 12 final exams but should be supporting them to become humans who exhibit good character and virtues to contribute to creating a healthier society (The Jubilee Centre, 2022). The Jubilee Centre, which is attached to the University of Birmingham in the UK, maintains that good character is the foundation for improved attainment, better behaviour, increased…

Read More
Old Boys
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

Our TGS Old Boys' Wall of Achievement

The next time you visit the School grounds, pause for a moment at the Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys' Wall of Achievement. This concept was the initiative of the then Deputy Headmaster, Mr Roger Buttenshaw, and was supported by the Board of Trustees, Headmasters Mr Hugh Rose and Mr Peter Hauser, and the TGSOBA - Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys' Association. The opening of the Wall of Achievement took place in 2003. Thousands of TGS Old Boys have gone on to lead productive and valuable…

Read More
The Arts
/
Tuesday, 19 Dec 2023

A Musical Reflection

As Director of Performing Arts, there is perhaps no bigger undertaking than a School musical. It requires an enormous effort from a huge team of teachers and students, and to get all these moving parts heading in the same direction is certainly no mean feat. The 2023 co-production of Footloose was my first time involved in a Toowoomba Grammar School and Fairholme College musical, and I found it to be a very rewarding, though exhausting, experience. The process began in Term 3, 2022, as my…

Read More