As the holiday season approaches, parents and caregivers find themselves immersed in the joy and bustle of festivities. Amidst the celebrations, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the pivotal role our parenting styles play in shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviours, especially concerning alcohol and other drug use. As a father of four young people with my fifth child coming into our family on 8 December 2023, I’m particularly mindful of my parenting style and my role as School counsellor, subsequently, I connect deeply to renowned expert Paul Dillon’s insights offering invaluable advice to help us navigate parenting to ensure we have access to quality information and best practice alcohol education.
In his astute observations, Dillon (2023) sheds light on the diverse landscape of parenting styles, offering us invaluable insights into our roles as parents. Authoritarian parenting, as Dillon points out, involves rigid rule-setting without explanations, potentially creating an atmosphere of stress and limiting communication between parents and children. Conversely, Dillion suggests indulgent parenting, while warm and nurturing, often lacks the necessary boundaries, leading to undisciplined behaviour and challenges in developing essential life skills (2023).
As a school counsellor and educator for over 20 years with very intentional, diverse educational experiences, I can relate to neglectful environments where Dillon (2023) further emphasizes, falls on the other end of the spectrum, marked by a lack of both warmth and necessary boundaries. In such an environment, children might lack the support and guidance crucial for their development, often having to fend for themselves, hindering their ability to navigate life effectively.
Dillon's (2023) wisdom underscores the significance of finding a harmonious balance. Authoritative parenting, he suggests as a top-down approach that embodies parents establishing clear rules infused with warmth and support. In this approach, consequences are explained, boundaries are set out of love and protection, and children are actively involved in decision-making. This balanced style not only ensures that children comprehend rules but also fosters a sense of security and self-worth. As parents, embracing this approach nurtures a positive parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for emotional growth, mutual respect, and the development of crucial life skills.
Parental Monitoring: The Gift of Security
During the holidays, our children often find themselves in diverse social settings, from family gatherings to parties with friends. Appropriate parental monitoring becomes our gift of security to them. Knowing where our children are, who they are with, and the activities they are engaged in establishes a sense of security. This vigilance not only deters risky behaviours but also fosters open communication. As parents, our watchful eyes and ears create a safety net, ensuring our children can enjoy the festivities responsibly.
Conversations that Matter: A Holiday Tradition
The holidays offer more than just a break from routine; they present an ideal opportunity for meaningful conversations. Dillon (2023) advocates for open dialogues about alcohol and engaging in age-appropriate discussions helps demystify these topics, allowing us to share our values, concerns, and expectations. As we gather with family and friends, let’s make conversations about responsible choices an integral part of our holiday traditions. Through these discussions, we instil in our children the confidence to navigate challenges and make informed decisions, even amidst the festivities.
Nurturing Healthy Choices: A Friendly Conversation about Alcohol
As the trusted partners in our children's journey, it's crucial that we equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to guide them through life’s various challenges. To support you in this important conversation, we highly recommend Paul Dillions great resources designed to empower parents, teachers, and students in fostering healthy decision-making skills in their children. We highly recommend exploring the below downloadable resources. They cover a range of topics including ‘How do you look after a drunk friend?’, ‘Introducing your child to alcohol’, ‘Alcohol and the developing brain’, and ‘Hosting a teenage party’.
1. Ten Tips for Parents of Primary School-Aged Children Around Alcohol PARENTS-2017-10-TIPS-PRIMARY.pdf (darta.net.au)
Starting the conversation early is key. These tips provide practical guidance on how to approach the subject of alcohol with your young ones, emphasizing openness, honesty, and setting clear boundaries.
2. 10 tips to prepare for a night out YPA-2017-10-TIPS-NIGHT-OUT.pdf (darta.net.au)
If you are planning on a night out (or even attending an event during the day) here are some simple tips may help you and your friends have a safer and an enjoyable time
3. Parenting Style and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTING-STYLE.pdf (darta.net.au)
Discover the influence your parenting style can have on your child’s choices. Learn about authoritative parenting – a blend of warmth and boundaries – and how it creates a supportive environment where children can make informed decisions.
4. Parental Monitoring and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTAL-MONITORING.pdf (darta.net.au)
Understand the significance of staying informed about your child’s activities. Effective parental monitoring acts as a safeguard, deterring risky behaviours and fostering open communication channels between parents and children.
5. Introducing Your Child to Alcohol: A Delicate Conversation PARENTS-2017-INTRODUCING-CHILD-TO-ALCOHOL.pdf (darta.net.au)
Approaching the topic of alcohol introduction can be daunting. This resource provides sensitive insights, helping parents navigate this conversation with care, ensuring it’s age-appropriate and informative.
6. Influencing Your Child’s Alcohol Consumption: Shaping Responsible Choices INFLUENCING-ALCOHOL-CONSUMPTION.pdf (darta.net.au)
Learn effective ways to influence your child's attitudes towards alcohol. Discover methods to encourage responsible decision-making, empowering your child to resist peer pressure and make informed choices.
8. Hosting a Teenage Party: Creating Safe and Enjoyable Environments HOSTING-TEENAGE-PARTY.pdf (darta.net.au)
For parents of older children, this resource provides essential tips on hosting parties where fun, and safety coexist. Learn strategies to ensure responsible behaviour and create memorable experiences for your teen and their friends.
In closing, the holidays remind us of the immense influence we have on our children’s lives and to begin to consider having delicate conversations to influence our children with understanding, and wisdom about alcohol. For further information and valuable resources on adolescent health and drug education, please visit DARTA Fact Sheets - DARTA. May this holiday season be a time of safety and wellbeing.
- Lyle Gothmann, TGS Counsellor
Bibliography
Dillion, Paul. (2023, October 28). Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia. Fact Sheets. Darta. https://darta.net.au/resources/facts-sheets/nameofthefactsheet
Latest Blog
Addressing Anger in Teenage Boys
As a community dedicated to the growth and well-being of our teenage boys, it is essential to address the complexities of emotions we experience during adolescence. Among these emotions, anger stands out as a powerful and intense feeling that can influence their behaviour, relationships and overall wellbeing. Untreated anger can lead to a myriad of problems and challenges for our young boys. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the dangers of untreated anger, ways to support healthy…
Study Skills Program
Just as teachers benefit from an understanding of the Learning Sciences in their lesson planning and preparation, so to do students when they are studying for major summative assessments. A survey of TGS students in Years 9 to 12 found that 70% of our boys felt that they knew how to study, with the biggest impediments to study being lack of motivation and too many distractions. The most highly preferred study technique was found to be rewriting notes. Cramming, rereading the text and rewriting…
Developing Teachers Worldwide
I recently had the pleasure of attending the 2023 International Boys’ Schools Coalition (IBSC) Annual Conference at Westlake Boys High School in Auckland, New Zealand, in my capacity as a Team Leader in the IBSC Action Research Program. Action research is a systematic inquiry conducted by teachers in their own classroom to better understand the impact that an aspect of their practice is having on their students. Each year, 40 teachers from IBSC member schools from around the world are accepted…
Developing a Sense of Belonging for our TGS Boarders
How do we adequately develop a teenager’s 'sense of belonging' in boarding? Head of Boyce House, Boarding, Mr Michael Hall has investigated how 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs' applies to boarding. It is a psychological theory that suggests human beings have a set of fundamental needs that must be fulfilled in a hierarchical order. The theory proposes that individuals must first satisfy their physiological needs before moving on to higher-level needs, such as the 'belongingness' that is so…
Kia Moemoeā – Dream Beyond Limits
A 12-year study has found that boys consistently perform better in an all boys’ school compared to boys in co-educational schools. This was one of several interesting topics presented at the recent International Boys’ Schools Coalition (IBSC) Conference in Auckland, New Zealand which I attended alongside three of my Toowoomba Grammar School colleagues – Mr Luke Rawle, Mr Dave Klan and Mrs Jessica Galbraith. We joined 600 leading educators from 15 countries around the world for the four-day…
Blue and Gold in the Blood
When Chris Wicks’ (1981-85) son Lachlan was just two days old, Chris proudly strolled across the road from St Vincent’s maternity ward, over Trustees’ Oval and down to the Toowoomba Grammar School office to enrol his firstborn. “I had such fond memories from the School and enjoyed all the opportunities available, particularly participating in sport and learning at such a high level; my sons were going to have the same great education,” said Chris adamantly. Chris was a boarder from Dalby and an…
The Benefits of Repeated Reading
An effective and evidence-based method that can significantly improve your child's reading abilities is repeated reading. Reading proficiency is a vital skill that sets the foundation for academic success and lifelong learning. Repeated reading, a simple yet powerful technique, has been proven to enhance reading fluency, comprehension, and overall confidence. Let's delve into why repeated reading is such a beneficial practice for your child. Research consistently supports the benefits of…
Print v Digital
I recently read an article by Petra Stock, entitled "Streaming Stories: Will Children’s Digital Book Platforms Upend Print", an interesting discussion comparing ebooks and print media and the ways they are being used during and post COVID. Which is better according to the article? Well, there is a clear winner; however, like many things, the answer can depend on the situation. I'd like to break elements of the article down, along with my own thoughts and compare the two. Social…
Striking a Balance
We understand that, as parents, we aspire to provide our children with the best education and opportunities for growth. Within the Junior School at Toowoomba Grammar School, we believe in fostering a love for learning while enabling your son to reach his full potential. In this article, we would like to emphasise the significance of automaticity and basic skill practice in extending your child's learning journey, while emphasising the importance of respecting their individual pace. Automaticity…
